As a parent, it can be challenging to handle situations where other parents may allow their teens to use substances, such as alcohol or marijuana. While it’s natural to feel concerned, it’s important to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and open communication. Here are some practical steps to help guide you through these situations without creating conflict, while still protecting your teen.

1. Communicate Your Values Clearly to Your Teen

Before addressing other parents, it’s crucial that your teen understands your family’s stance on substance use. These views and expectations should be discussed openly and parents need to make sure their teens are clear on what these rules and values are for their family. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), teens are more likely to make healthier choices when they know where their parents stand on issues like alcohol and drug use.

What You Can Do:

• Have an honest conversation with your teen about why you don’t allow substance use. Instead of just saying "no," explain the risks to their health, such as the impact on their brain development and decision-making.
• Keep the tone open and nonjudgmental, making it clear that your rules are based on your love and concern for their well-being, not because you don’t trust them.

You might say:
"I know some of your friends' parents may have different rules, but we believe that waiting until you’re older to try these things will help you stay healthier and make better choices in the long run." Some parents are specific with ages, and articulate the importance of safety, letting others know to help manage risks and negative outcomes of substance trying behavior.

2. Approach Other Parents with Understanding

Talking to other parents about their stance on substance use can be uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to create tension. Note which friends and whose homes teens are trying and using substances. Many parents who allow substance use may believe they’re doing it safely or responsibly. Starting the conversation with empathy and curiosity instead of criticism can make all the difference.

What You Can Do:

• Use a gentle approach, like asking for advice rather than confronting them. You could say something like, “I noticed at the last gathering that some of the teens had alcohol. I know this is a tough topic for parents—what’s your perspective on it?” This opens dialogue without putting the other parent on the defensive.
• If the conversation allows, share your perspective without implying that your way is the only way. For example: “In our family, we’re focusing on helping our teens delay trying alcohol. It’s not always easy, but we’ve found it’s been helpful to talk about why we have these rules.”

According to SAMHSA, open dialogue among parents helps create a community where everyone feels supported and informed about how to handle substance-related issues with their teens. Other parents may have similar concerns but unsure on how to approach the topic with other parents.

3. Set Clear Boundaries for Social Gatherings

If your teen is invited to a gathering where you’re concerned substances might be allowed, you can set boundaries in a way that respects both your teen and the other family’s household rules.

What You Can Do:

• If possible, speak with the hosting parent before the gathering. Instead of making accusations, ask for clarification on what the environment will be like. For example, “I’m so glad my teen is joining, and I just wanted to check—what’s your plan around alcohol or other substances during the party?”
• If you’re uncomfortable with the situation, you might suggest an alternative: “I know teens can sometimes feel pressured in these situations. Would it be okay if I hosted a gathering soon so we can provide a space without substances?”

This not only sets a boundary but also offers a positive, solution-oriented alternative.

4. Empower Your Teen to Make Good Decisions

While you can’t always control what happens at other households, you can empower your teen to make decisions they’re comfortable with. According to NIDA, teens who feel confident in their ability to say no are more likely to avoid risky behaviors.

What You Can Do:

• Help your teen come up with strategies for declining substances if they feel pressured. Offer suggestions like, “I’m just not into that,” or “I’m trying to stay focused and locked in on my sports/grades right now.”
• Reassure them that they can always call or text you if they feel uncomfortable and need an out. This is often a safe way for teens to avoid trying substances altogether and have the option to leave.

By framing these strategies in a positive way, you’re helping your teen build resilience and confidence.

5. Foster Positive Alternatives

Rather than focusing solely on preventing substance use, offer alternatives that encourage socializing in healthy environments. According to Partnership to End Addiction, teens are less likely to engage in risky behaviors when they have structured, supervised activities.

What You Can Do:

• Host gatherings or events where substance use isn’t part of the picture. Consider activities like movie nights, e-gaming nights, sports events, or outdoor adventures.
• Encourage your teen to invite friends to these events, reinforcing that fun doesn’t have to involve substances.

This provides a proactive solution without isolating your teen from their social circles.

Conclusion

Handling situations where other parents allow substance use can be tricky, but by keeping communication open and focusing on positive solutions, you can help guide your teen through these challenges. Remember, every family approaches these issues differently, and by fostering understanding and offering alternatives, you can reinforce your values while maintaining healthy relationships with other parents.

References:

1. American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). (2021). "Talking to Teens About Drugs and Alcohol."
2. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). (2020). "The Importance of Parent Communication in Preventing Teen Substance Use."
3. National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). (2021). "Teen Substance Use: Risks and Prevention."
4. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). (2021). "Underage Drinking: Strategies for Parents and Communities."
5. Partnership to End Addiction. (2022). "How to Protect Teens from Peer Pressure Around Substance Use."