Teens often absorb more from their parents than we might realize, especially when it comes to behaviors related to substance use. While parents may not always talk openly about their own habits, teens are keen observers and often model what they see. Understanding how your actions influence your teen’s choices can help you set a healthier example and reduce the risk of substance use.

Teens Learn Through Observation
Even if you don’t directly talk about substance use, your actions can speak volumes. Research from the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) shows that teens are more likely to engage in risky behaviors, such as smoking or drinking, if they see their parents doing the same. This phenomenon, known as social modeling, means that teens often mimic the behaviors of the adults around them, even if those behaviors are never discussed.

According to a study by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), teens whose parents smoke or drink regularly are significantly more likely to experiment with these substances themselves. This is true even if parents don’t explicitly approve of substance use. The behavior they see becomes normalized, and teens may subconsciously adopt those habits as part of their own lives, even if parents are not alcoholics or abusing substances.

Why "Do as I Say, Not as I Do" Doesn’t Work
Parents often tell their teens not to drink, smoke, or use drugs while engaging in these behaviors themselves. However, teens are more likely to follow what they observe rather than what they are told. The American Psychological Association (APA) emphasizes that teens are more influenced by their parents’ actions than their words, especially when there is a disconnect between the two. If teens see parents using substances to relax or cope with stress, they may begin to view these behaviors as acceptable, even if they’ve been told otherwise.

Setting a Healthier Example

1. Be Mindful of Your Own Habits: If you use substances like alcohol or nicotine, consider the example you’re setting for your teen. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends being aware of how often and in what situations you use these substances, especially around your children. Reducing or eliminating substance use in front of your teen can send a stronger message than words alone. Pay attention to the non-verbal and verbal messages, subtle or overt that you are conveying about drinking and substance use.
2. Discuss Your Actions: If you do use substances like alcohol in moderation, have an open conversation with your teen about responsible behavior. Explain why you make certain choices and set clear boundaries about what is acceptable for them. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) suggests explaining the difference between adult responsibilities and teen choices to help clarify the message.
3. Model Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Show your teen how to handle stress, anxiety, or social situations without relying on substances. Engaging in regular physical activity, hobbies, or mindfulness practices can provide healthier outlets for coping. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), teens who see their parents using positive coping strategies are more likely to adopt these methods themselves.

The Power of Parental Influence
Teens are more attuned to their parents' actions than many realize. By modeling healthy behavior and making conscious decisions about how and when you use substances, you can set a strong example that helps guide your teen away from risky behaviors. Even when it's not discussed, your actions send a powerful message—so make sure it’s one that promotes their well-being.

References:

1. National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2021). "Parental Influence on Teen Substance Use."
2. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2020). "Parental Substance Use: How It Affects Teens."
3. American Psychological Association. (2021). "Teens, Social Modeling, and Parental Influence."
4. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2020). "Parenting and Role Modeling: Healthy Behaviors Matter."
5. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (2021). "Talking to Teens About Alcohol and Responsible Use."
6. American Academy of Pediatrics. (2020). "Healthy Coping Strategies for Teens: The Role of Parents."