Trust is a critical element of any parent-teen relationship, especially when it comes to navigating the challenges of adolescence. However, when dealing with sensitive topics like substance use, understanding the difference between earned trust and assumed trust can help parents better protect their teens. Here’s how to approach trust in a way that fosters open communication and responsible decision-making.

What Is Assumed Trust?
Assumed trust is when parents automatically believe their teen is making the right choices without checking in or having open conversations. While it’s natural for parents to want to believe the best about their children, this type of trust can sometimes create blind spots. According to a study from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), teens often experiment with substances like alcohol, marijuana, or nicotine even when they’ve never shown signs of doing so before. Parents who assume their teen isn’t involved in substance use may miss important opportunities to intervene early.

Why Earned Trust Is Different
Earned trust, on the other hand, is built over time through open communication, accountability, and consistent behavior. It requires ongoing dialogue between parents and teens, creating an environment where trust is given based on actions, not assumptions. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) emphasizes that earned trust encourages teens to take responsibility for their actions, as they understand that trust must be maintained through good decisions.

Parents who practice earned trust check in regularly with their teens, not just to catch mistakes, but to show interest in their lives and reinforce expectations. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), teens are less likely to engage in risky behaviors, such as substance use, when they know their parents are paying attention and holding them accountable.

How to Build Earned Trust with Your Teen

1. Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries: Make sure your teen knows where you stand on substance use and that trust is based on their ability to follow these guidelines. Be clear about the consequences of breaking trust, but also offer praise when they make responsible choices.
2. Have Regular Check-Ins: Consistent conversations are key. Instead of waiting for a problem to arise, talk to your teen regularly about their life, school, and friendships. This builds trust over time and shows them that you’re engaged in their well-being, not just monitoring their behavior.
3. Be Willing to Listen: Earned trust works both ways. If your teen knows they can come to you without immediate judgment, they are more likely to be honest about mistakes or temptations. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), open communication about risky behaviors helps teens feel more supported and less likely to hide problems.

Balancing Trust and Accountability
Earned trust doesn’t mean micromanaging every aspect of your teen’s life, but it does mean creating a balance between trusting their independence and checking in regularly to keep that trust intact. Assumed trust can leave teens feeling like they aren’t being guided, while earned trust strengthens the parent-teen relationship and keeps them accountable.

By building trust that is earned, not assumed, you create a stronger foundation for open communication and healthier choices, especially when it comes to navigating substance use.

References:

1. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2020). "Monitoring Teens and Substance Use: A Parent’s Guide."
2. American Academy of Pediatrics. (2021). "Parenting and Trust: Setting Boundaries with Teens."
3. National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2021). "Teen Drug Use and Parental Influence."
4. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2020). "Open Communication and Reducing Risky Behavior in Teens."